i haven’t dreamed in over 4 months. every night was dark and hallow. but last night i had a dream. it was her and i. we were in a truck stop at 5 in the morning. sipping on tea and coffee we exchanged laughs and good stories. the she told me how since she left me she hasn’t been truly happy. then we both moved closer to each other and shard a kiss. it was vivid in my dream. i could even feel it. every little detail i could feel. but when i opened my eyes in my dream, they opened in real life. i realized that i hadn’t kissed her, she happened come back to me, and she was still with her other man now… it left me in tears.. it left me feeling empty
on cloud nine then down to nothing.. dam this world is twisted
being angry at the world is just one thing i’m good at. i am right now, she moved on and loves someone else now, it’s been over a month now, but i still feel lost, i still feel like shit, nothing, depressed. being angry and crying all day, yeah that’s the way to live right? am i that much of a terrible person. some times i wish i had that one person next to me, you know who you are, i want you to be here with me right now, but i know that you live on the other side of the earth, dam this world is to stressful, why can’t i rewind the clock back to when everything was fun and nothing was wrong. i wish i could tell you how i feel, but no words seem to even scratch the surface, a pain that reaches deep down and tears chunks of my soul to nothing, i was ready to give up everything i had to her, and she told me that she was moving on… that only scratches the surface. i feel like i should leave, were would i go?… i would want to go to Washington state, get away from this whole mess, get away from it all. there is only a couple of people who make me forget it all, you know who you are, i wish i could be with you now, but i know you don’t want me now, but i’m losing it by now. and i know if i wasn’t who i wasn’t then both of them would love me now, i would be with the one right now if i wasn’t me. but fuck i guess i did this all, i ran myself into this mess, why could my heart be stronger, why couldn’t i just not fall for you two. i fell once, and fell again. i guess it was all my fault… but i hate being alone, i hate it. why couldn’t i be a real person, why do i have to be fucking bitter and angry, why do i have to hate the world, why do i have to be so fucked up. if i wasn’t were would i be? with the ones who i loved, with the ones who told me that they love me…. but i fucked it all up now didn’t I…. didn’t I?
you can Probably tell that i love this one girl, but last i dated this girl, we loved each other more then you can imagine, then she told me that her life is to busy and that she would have to move away soon, so she wanted to break up now before things got out of control, she was the first girl i dated, and i was her first also. well she didn’t move away yet and now she with someone else. fucking pissed right now and no one to help me, crying right now and no one to help me. i hate today so far, and i’ve only been awake for 10 minutes. right now i want to sit in my shaded room and cry, break down in the corner and give up. and right now the only thing that is keeping me moving is a tiny touch of hope. i don’t know what it is for, but i have it
if I wasn’t who I am, she woulda been moving in by now and I’d rather be with you but you are not around. so tonight is like tomorrow night, a bit lost and sad…. huh, I’ll tell that being single is as fun as having cancer, but so is the long distance thing, I wish things were different… ha ha ha oh well, i’lll live my life with a smile while I’m breathing.